The Heart Is Where the Home Is (Purging)

“Don’t store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.” - Matthew 6:19-21

    Like most of us, a lot of my struggles stem back to my childhood. Growing up we were extremely poor, to the extent that for many of our summer lunches, we would be eating one slice of bread with nothing on it except ketchup and mustard. I tried my best to use my imagination when eating and I would pretend eating a warm, juicy hotdog. But the reality was, it was just bread with condiments. Over the years, this frugal living began to create a fear and anxiousness in me that there could be a day when we would not have anything to eat. This feeling of not having enough developed an unhealthy need within me to hold onto the things of this world tightly.    

    Collecting material things as an adult was only one of the many developmental attributes I took on in order to “survive” in my childhood environment. Jesus, of course, knew this about me. The trouble is, even when we are made aware of the things we need to fix, it is often difficult to actually make the changes necessary.

Recently we moved, as a family of six, from our 3,000 square foot home in Colorado to a less than 1,500 square foot home in Florida. We had to do some major de-cluttering. In fact, we ultimately had to sell or donate about two-thirds of all we owned. Jared’s solution has always been to get rid of everything without a thought. I, on the other hand, found the process a lot more difficult and even a little emotionally painful. We worked hard to acquire these things, and I had many sentimental attachments. But most of all, I did not want to let go because of my fear of not having something when we needed it.

    I not only struggle with the clutter in a physical sense, but also spiritually. I think it may be easier to understand the process of de-cluttering in our physical lives because we recognize clutter is not good, and we can physically see the mess it creates. Hoarding possessions is not what God wants us to do and it certainly was not the plan he had for us. Jesus says something similar to the disciples in Matthew chapter 6,  “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.” Jesus is reminding the disciples to worry less about the physical things around them, and pay more attention to the spiritual. However, when we look into our spiritual lives, I believe we will see there is some de-cluttering to be done there as well.

    Backtracking roughly six years before this particular move, God gave me a vision. In this vision, my heart was actually the structure of a beautiful home for my soul to live in, and my soul represented me in my physical body. One day, Jesus came knocking at my heart (home) and my soul (physical self) answered the door. I was dressed up in hospitable 1960's inspired “Mary Tyler Moore” attire. Joyfully, I welcomed Jesus into my living room where we sat across from one another and began cordially speaking. Jesus looked around my living room space and said in a gentle voice, “It is quite messy in here, isn’t it?” My brows furrowed in disbelief and I responded with a slow, “What do you mean?” He repeated His question again, but this time lifting my area rug to reveal a vile amount of dust and dirt. He then continued to gently point out each mess that was hidden throughout the room. Then He walked behind the chair I was sitting in and pointed out a very naked version of myself fearfully hiding behind. Honestly, I didn’t even realize I was hiding so much in my living room. I was especially unaware I was hiding this abhorrent version of myself. Yet Jesus was bringing it all to light.

    Having to watch Jesus uncover all that was hidden, and even what was offensive, shook me to my core. Jesus did not stop there. He then transported me to every room in my house. My heart was not a place of peace or joy but a place I would keep the thing I wanted hidden in the dark. Then in each room He took me to He did not need to say much. I knew what he was trying to tell me. He not only wanted to clean the house, my heart, He wanted to completely gut the whole thing and renovate it. He said that it was going to be hard, and at times, I would not like renovating the space. He assured me He would be there every step of the way. I would not be alone in this process. He wanted this new space to be a place where there would be enough room for Him and that I would no longer be distracted with the clutter of my heart but I would find a new freedom in Him.

    Jesus is continually showing me what I had built out of fear, and though it was done out of survival as a child, but now as an adult, it all needed to be made new. I needed to learn to lean on Him during the renovating and it is never His original plan for my life to live in fear and anxiousness. Though this vision happened years ago, this renovation, like all renovations, especially ones we live in, takes so much time. Little by little He is helping me clean and heal each part of me. It is all for the purpose of drawing our selves closer to Him and bringing us back to His original design for us. You see, God has wired each of us to operate in specific ways. This raw, original version of ourselves is what we define as temperament, or your true self. Unfortunately, this true self gets tainted by this fallible world and then we create, then live in, a constant state of unrest and without our true purpose. Our family systems, friends, and culture all play a role in deterring us from God’s original design. We bend and adapt in unhealthy ways in order to survive. What Jesus wants to do is help you renovate your own heart. To de-clutter and cling to Him. He wants to get rid of all the messes others and we ourselves have created, and teach you to operate under His unique design. So that our soul can finally find true peace in Him and walk in your God ordained purpose.